After worrying symptoms and a long wait, I received the news I’d been dreading; my brother was diagnosed with advanced stage cancer. That was the beginning of what felt like an interminable journey.
Several months later, I interviewed at a new company, where I openly disclosed this personal challenge. I went on to work at the company and over the following months experienced a rollercoaster of despair, peppered with momentary hope. Sadly, after a courageous battle, my brother passed away, on a Sunday morning during September 2018.
I went to work the next day.
Before I talk about my employer’s response, I want to mention a couple of things.
I chose to go to work because:
- If I was working, I wasn’t feeling (or so I convinced myself)
- I was scared that if I ‘let myself feel’, I would go to a place I couldn’t come back from
There is no one way to respond to grief, but this was unhealthy for me. Unhealthy or not, it was my armour.
Back to my employer – although I chose to go to work, I was shocked by my employer’s lack of compassion; and whilst I felt angry, I was also too devastated to rationally express my feelings to them.
A couple of weeks later, a colleague showed the first sign of warmth and humanity, I’d seen at the company. After noticing I’d been quiet, they asked whether everything was okay. We found a quiet room, and I shared my loss. My colleague offered practical support and made other kind gestures. I finally received the compassion, understanding and space to be vulnerable I needed. Space to be human – to put down my armour.
Sadly, that wasn’t my experience of the wider company, but it was the beginning of my deep interest in making our workplaces more person-centred.